Every single person is busy.
Every single one.
I guess I'm just not worth anyone's time.

Fuck everyone.
I'm not ok,
and nobody has the time to help.

No phone
Going on a diet
living in a clean room
shitload of work
birthday weekend.
Dehydrated
The maintenance guy stealing my heater.
PRESENTS SOON!!!

"The thing that is hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most wind up in parentheses." — John Irving

He does want me back.
And I do miss him.
But I finish what I started.
Then this will never have to happen again.

And my absence will remind you of how tough it is to be in love.

...weird night...
Not what I expected.
I'm a very awkward girl.

*sigh*
Well...that wasn't as bad as I thought.
And hopefully now I'm on the right track to ending all this shit.
It's just weird to be alone for now.
And weird to not know how long this will go on for.

I really think this was what I needed though.
I think this will help shit.

...but it's so hard to not send you a text that says remember I love you...

 ...and then that song from Dashboard came on

and so much fun. 
I was sad to see it end. 
I saw cute things you did that you didn't know I saw.
I love you so much.
As much as I hate being away from you,
I love that now it's so exciting to see you.
I was worried before,
but now I know we will be ok.
This won't even be that hard to handle.

I need a goodnight sleep so badly though.
All these early mornings are killing me.

 I need a vacation.

 I'll whisper lullabies across 500 miles because I know that you're always listening.

 ...So you win.
I went to put them back in today and they don't even fit anymore.
But I have all of them saved.  It's only a matter of time now.

My school is really trying to help me through this.
And I really hope that I'll be able to do it.
I just want this all to be over.
It's so much.
It's too much.

So now I've learned that it could be linked to my coming off birth control.
If I had ever known I never would have gone on the fucking pill.
It's given me so many problems.
My anxiety is getting worse though.
I feel it all the time.
I only got about a 2 1/2 hour break.
I'm even anxious right now.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and hopefully some questions will be answered.
I haven't been able to go to a single class except for one that I had to leave in the middle of.

This isn't living.

It happened again...
Twice this morning.
idk that I can do this.

Well...
Isn't this off to a great start.
I had one class today, and went but was so sick I had to leave in the middle.   And then I came back to my room and threw up and passed out.  I had to go back to my Grandparents last night I was too sick to travel by myself :-/.
My family thinks it has to do with anxiety.
And Idk...maybe they're right.
I am extremely nervous/anxious about this and can't quite seem to calm myself down.
I think the combination of being in school and being with my family is a deadly combination.
And lately they've been less accepting then ever which just makes it worse.
I feel like I'm always lying and never dealing with or being myself.
It sucks.
Idk how much longer I can do this.
I feel like I'm always right on the edge of something happening.

But I feel trapped, I have no options.  
It's either to be here or to be at home.  
And both make me anxious.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I effect people, because it seems to be so different here in my hometown then everywhere else.
Here I am considered extreme looking to the point of being a bad influence, but in other places I'm pretty tame looking.
Help me out, anonymously write what you thought of me the first time you met/saw me.
I'm just so curious.

theromanticrecycler.blogspot.com